Today is Murdock’s birthday – his second in heaven. My second celebration of his day – without him. We celebrated his birthday big every year, with a walk through the park, and swimming, and presents, and ice cream. I did the same last year to honor him. I will this year too.
There will be tears today. I would give anything to watch him run through the woods without a care, or doggy paddle his way out to retrieve a stick in the lake, or do battle with wrapping paper as he uncovered a new squeaky toy, or maneuver his giant tongue to eat an ice cream cone. I would give anything to celebrate Murdock’s special day with him. To watch his eyes light up as his favorite things just kept coming, having no understanding of why. I hope he went to sleep those fifteen August 11th nights thinking he had just had the very best day. They were my favorite days too.
Yes, this day is difficult, but maybe a little more sweet than bitter. The birthdays of our soulmates allow us to celebrate them, even after they have departed. To keep traditions. To honor what they were, what they still are, in our lives. That Murdock is no longer physically with me does not mean the celebrations of him cannot continue. This is still his special day, and because of that, it is forever special to me.
Today is also special because it marks the one year anniversary of my first blog and my website (www.youwerehome.com), which I launched to honor Murdock’s birthday last year. Along with being Murdock’s mom, this has been the most meaningful thing I have ever done. I am so very grateful for all of you who have read what I have written, who have shared the website, who have joined the Facebook group, and most of all, those who walk this path with me because you know what it’s like to lose your best friend. I started this project because it landed on my heart and would not leave. I continue for the same reason.
Yes, this has been self-serving. The opportunity to write about my life with Murdock, including the loss of that life together, is a great honor. But, my deep hope is that even one person feels less alone in their grief experience. It is so difficult to endure the loss of a furry friend in a world that does not always understand that profound loss is profound loss, whether our soulmate has two legs or four.
And so, with a grateful heart, I will celebrate this day – just as I have since 2008, when a stubborn, silly, smart and unapologetically unique lab puppy discovered the joy of celebrating birthdays. And so did his mom.
Happy Birthday, Murdock.
