Today is my boy’s birthday, his first in heaven. I have been dreading this day. I always celebrated Murdock’s birthday big – walks in the woods, swimming, ice cream, squeaky toys wrapped in birthday wrapping paper. It was a joy to celebrate him (not that I didn’t try to do that every day). Facebook friends wished him a happy birthday. My grandma sent him birthday cards with $2 bills. It was his day.
Last year, I knew our birthday celebration would be his last. Given his failing health, I was uncertain he would make it to August 11. But he did, and we celebrated #15. I remember being so proud of him, of us, that he made it to 15 – quite an accomplishment for a lab who had been diagnosed with cancer the year before.
For his big day, I took Murdock to a river so he could walk in the water. I gave him a McDonalds cheeseburger, which, despite his very human palate, he had never had before. He ate ice cream, his favorite. Looking back, I can’t remember crying that day – which I am sure I did. I just remember feeling proud and grateful. One month later, to the day, I made the decision it was time for him to go to heaven. 3 days after that, he was gone.
I have had a difficult time the last few weeks knowing this day was coming. A birthday is unique among holidays because it belongs to the one being celebrated. Unlike Christmas, or the New Year, or Mother’s Day (all also difficult) – this day was a special day to just celebrate Murdock. What is this day without him?
So, what to do today . . . How can I care for my broken heart while honoring Murdock? I think I will try to celebrate him just as I always have. I will go back to the river and get my feet wet, stop at McDonalds and have some ice cream. And, remember.
Once I finally gave in to the internal push to start this community, it became clear its “birth” had to be on Murdock’s day. A way to honor him and our life together, but also honor the sacred grief experiences of the last 11 months and those yet to come.
Despite my sadness, I am proud just like I was last year. Proud that we had 15 years together. Proud that he was mine.
What was your soul mate’s first birthday in heaven like? How have you continued to celebrate your soul mate’s life?
5 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Murdock”
Wow, these words really hit home. They aren’t just pets, they are family. Trying to navigate through grief is a difficult task that no one ever asks for. Thanks for sharing this post, Murdock would be oh so proud! ❤️
Sorry for your loss and this is a wonderful way to remember your baby. My pug Boo turned 10 yesterday and I see how old she is and how the time has just flashed by. She has lost many teeth and has trouble walking sometimes but I proudly caring her up and down the stairs because I know I will miss those moments someday.
Sending love – this project will be healing for you and so many others. Thank you for sharing your heart here
Aug 1st was 3 years since I lost my sweet Zoe. It was a painful loss & I struggled to function. She was with me almost 15 years. I created a flower garden, heart shaped of course & planted For-Get-Me-Nots. And I found a garden statue of a sleeping pup to add to “Zoe’s Garden”…with a hand painted sign. Last year I adopted a rescue pup in her honor. Daizy is my new sidekick.
Yesterday I was looking at a YouTube video of one of my all-time favorite cats, Izzie. The video was 15 years ago and she was cute and healthy and the funniest of all cats. I watched that short little video about 5 times and couldn’t stop watching or crying. All pets are special, some a bit more than others maybe. I know you’ll let another into your life and heart and they will become so special and important to you. You will always love Murdock, of course, that never ends. Peace to you.
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